The Fifth One (My New Name)

My new name on Xbox live is LolocaustCracka. It is now twice as offensive as before. Take that Xbox Nazis...

The Fourth One (Xbox can suck it **UPDATED**)

I've been using the Name Cracka McNasty for over 5 years now, ever since I was about 16. I use it as my name everywhere on the internet, forums, gamertags, email accounts, bank websites, AIM, hell, this very fucking blog. If you see the name Cracka McNasty anywhere on the internet, there's a good chance it's me. Knowing this information now, I'm sure you would be as surprised as I was today when I found out that Xbox deemed my name "inappropriate" and that I could no longer play online until I changed it. Let me restate the fact that I've used it FOR OVER 5 YEARS WITH NO PROBLEMS everywhere on the internet.

Instead of getting upset, like most normal people tend to do, I became incredibly pissed, stubborn, and single minded. I'll be damned if they say that after 5 years of paying to play on Xbox live, they say I can no longer do it with the original name I chose. It's perfect. Why would you want to change perfection? I am taking a stand and refusing to change my name to anything else. I called Xbox support twice today trying to get this problem fixed. The first time, some dude named Mark was worthless and the best he could muster up was a "Sorry bro". Fuck Mark. He probably likes Channing Tatum movies.

The second time I called, I think I got transferred to Xbox's Indian call center because it was kind of hard to talk to the lady they gave me. Even though she spoke English as a second language, she was far more helpful to me than Mark AKA Dick Spank. I was given the web address to the support forum for Xbox Live where I was instructed to ask why my name was changed. The following is a copy of the discussion over my name. Enjoy:

Me:
I've had my name, "Cracka McNasty" for over 5 years now (ever since I was about 16) and today, of all the days I've had it, it has been deemed "inappropriate". I am 22 now, and I would like to know why my name is all of a sudden unsuitable for use on Xbox Live. I have never had a problem with my name on Xbox Live before, or any other online community for that matter, I use it everywhere. I am an Irish American who enjoys eating saltine crackers. I wanted people to understand that I enjoy Crackers, that I am "nasty" at video games, and that I am of Irish decent. Hence the name, Cracka(saltines) Mc(Irish)Nasty(self explanitory).

I just do not understand. Is Xbox now prejudice against the Irish community? I hope this isn't the case, because there would probably be bigger ramifications in terms of a suit if this were true.

I do not want to change my name, I would like to keep it the way it was. I feel like "Cracka McNasty" has become my own personal name in the online community. It is as much a part of my identity as the one my parents gave me when I was born, and asking me to change it seems "inappropriate" to me.

Moderator:
The team will not deliberate forced name changes. When the tag is changed, you will again have access to the Live service. Additionally, the term "Cracka", or any variation is a derogatory term.

* Don't create a gamertag, profile content, or in-game content that other users may be offended by, this includes comments that look, sound like, stand for, hint at, abbreviate, or insinuate any of the following: profane words/phrases, topics or content of a sexual nature, hate speech (including but not limited to racial, ethnic, or religious slurs), illegal drugs/controlled substances, or illegal activities.
* Don't create a gamertag, profile content, or in-game content that references controversial religious topics, notorious people, organizations, or sensitive current or historical events that may also be considered inappropriate.

Me:
I had no idea that the term "Cracka" was a racial slur. What race does it slur? My name simply means that I like saltine crackers, there was no malice behind it. Is there any way for people to understand that I meant the delicious salty treat and not the derogatory term? Maybe if I put a disclaimer in my profile's motto that said "My name is in reference to saltines, not the derogatory racial term", would that work? I'm sorry for the questions, but I really want to keep my name, I meant no ill will toward any race or person when I made it. I just don't think it's fair to punish me for other people's definitions of a random word and their racial intolerance.

Moderator:
There is no ill fairness to you alone, no inappropriate gamertag will be allowed on the system.

Use words that have no derogatory meaning for your new gamertag.

Me:
I'm confused as to what would be deemed appropriate by today's standards. It seems like anything you say could be misconstrued in such a way as to offending someone else in this PC culture that we live in. I can hardly think of another name that I would be comfortable playing online under.

Would the name "Heavy Metal Jesus" be an acceptable replacement name if it is available?

Moderator:
Unfortunately not because it contains "jesus" which is a "notorious and religious" figure and can therefor be offensive to someone non religious.

Me:
What about the name "Katrina the Destroyer"? That has no religious overtones and is a tribute to my dog who likes to eat my girlfriend's shoes. She's a little terror lol Smile [:)]

Mod:
I will say this, Katrina also killed and/or displaced a lot of people when she came ashore in New Orleans.

"sensitive current or historical events that may also be considered inappropriate"

Me:
That is ridiculous. Just because there was a hurricane that happens to have the same name as my dog, I can't use the name? People still aren't over that? That was like 5 years ago. I thought everything was fixed when the Saints won the super bowl.

Can I please just keep my old name?

Mod:
No

Me:
Alright, alright fine. I didn't want to do this, but I guess I have to now. My Austrian roommate (who sounds just like Arnold Schwarzenegger, no lie) and I bet that I would be able to convince you guys to let me keep my name. He said I wouldn't be able to do so, so now I have to name my gamertag after him:

"Adolf Was Right", will that fly?

Mod:
Absolutely not. People will think that you are talking about Hitler and his attempted genocide of the Jewish race. That is completely out of the question.

Me:
I can't believe that those poor people over there still can't live down the psychotic ideas that one individual had so long ago. They aren't Nazis any more you know, they are good people. My roommate and his family are some of the nicest people you will ever know, with no ties to the Nazi party. Adolf happens to be a very popular name over there.

Mod:
I'm sorry, I'm sure your roommate is a nice guy, but you are not allowed to use that name.

Me:
I'm Jewish and I'm not offended by the name at all...

Mod:
That's all well and good, but you are the only one who would know which "Adolf" you would be referring to, and the most significant figure in history with that name happens to be Hitler.

"Don't create a gamertag, profile content, or in-game content that references controversial religious topics, notorious people, organizations, or sensitive current or historical events that may also be considered inappropriate."

I'm sorry but the answer is no.

Me:
Fine. How about "GeorgeDoubleJewBush"? Not only does it represent my religion, but also my political beliefs.

Mod:
No again. Not only is the name too long, but it also refers to a religious belief. Please refer to my responses about your "Heavy Metal Jesus" and "Adolf Was Right" ideas.

Me:
You guys are giving me nothing to work with here. It is impossible to come up with any name that I would not only be happy with, but I can identify with as well.

Well, I use to be a huge fan of Dragon Ball Z. Maybe I could name myself after my favorite character from the series.

How does "Hail Mr. Satan" work?

New Mod:
This forum will not be used to pre-screen gamertags or profile content. Follow these guidelines, and you will have no hassles.

I guess that they finally realized that I was just being a dick at that point and locked the thread. I am still without a name on Xbox Live because even after all of that, I still can't keep my old one and I honestly have no idea of what to use as my new one. Any ideas or suggestions are more than welcome in the comment area. I'll even pick the 4 or 5 ones that I like the most and hold a poll.

The Third One (Chat Rooms are filled with some weird people)

When I was younger, I use to enjoy getting into random chat rooms on AIM and talking to complete strangers whom I have never met before. Those people were fucking perverts. The following are the best of the chats I had with some sad, sad people:

The Cyber freak: hey, you sounded pretty hot in chat
Cracka McNasty: i kinda am
The Cyber freak: lol, want to cyber?
Cracka McNasty: sure
Cracka McNasty: want to roleplay?
The Cyber freak: omg i luuv roleplaying
Cracka McNasty: cool
Cracka McNasty: I'm an aging 70s disco dancing star who is trying to revive my career as a hitman. I have long dark hair and a cleft chin
Cracka McNasty: You are my jehri curled partner with a handlebar moustache.
Cracka McNasty: we are taking our informant, marvin to a safe place.
The Cyber freak: lol, k...
Cracka McNasty: and after we do we are going to have an awesome 3 way
The Cyber freak: ooooo i like where this is going lol
Cracka McNasty: as you are driving down the road with marvin in the backseat, you start telling me that you are trying to quit the business becuase you found god
Cracka McNasty: I tell you you are being stupid but you aren't having that.
The Cyber freak: ...umm... ok...
Cracka McNasty: I ask Marvin his opinion on the matter.
Cracka McNasty: HOLY SHIT!!!!!
The Cyber freak: omg what? what?
Cracka McNasty: I just shot marvin in the face!
Cracka McNasty: There's blood and brains all over the fucking car!!!
Cracka McNasty: We gotta get off the fucking road!!!
The Cyber freak: omg... you are fucking retarded
Cracka McNasty: Quck call your friend jimmy!!
Cracka McNasty: We can fix things at his place
The Cyber freak: bye weirdo
The Cyber freak has signed off.
Cracka McNasty: NO!!!
Cracka McNasty: WE NEED TO GET THE WOLF HERE TO FIX THIS SHIT!!!




Cracka McNasty: ok, let's do this...
victim#2: ok :)
Cracka McNasty: after a night out on the town, we arrive back at my house. would you like to come in?
victim#2: why thank you yes i would
Cracka McNasty: ok be quiet, my roommates are sleeping.
Cracka McNasty: I slowly unlock the door and tip toe through the living room to go up the stairs.
Cracka McNasty: I grab your hand in mine and we silently slip into my room. I lock the door behind me.
victim#2: I step up close to you and press my body up against you.
victim#2: we kiss.
Cracka McNasty: I then toss you on the bed as i giggle with laughter.
Cracka McNasty: I slowly caress your breasrs as i gently kiss your lips.
Cracka McNasty: I move down to your tummy and start to unbuckle your pants...
victim#2: oooooo don't stop you're getting me so hot.
Cracka McNasty: i slide your pants off and start put my hand in your panties-wait a minute...
Cracka McNasty: what the HELL is that?!?!?!
victim#2: what do you mean?
Cracka McNasty: YOUR VAGINA HAS TEETH OH MY GOD!!!!!
Cracka McNasty: your bear trap snatch clamps down on my arm, ripping it off!!!
Cracka McNasty: NOOOO!!!
Cracka McNasty: I'M RIGHT HANDED!!!
Cracka McNasty: WHATEVER WILL I DO NOW!!!!
Cracka McNasty: blood spurts from my stump like a glorious red fountain!
Cracka McNasty: WHY OH MY GOD WHY?!?!?!?!?!!
Cracka McNasty: I start to cry
Cracka McNasty: how could you do this to me!?!?!?!
victim#2 Has signed off.




Victim#3: Hi asl?
Cracka McNasty: 35/m/costa rica
Cracka McNasty: you?
Victim#3: 23/f/cali
Victim#3: want to cyber?
Cracka McNasty: no, i only cyber with boys younger than 13. thanks for offering though...
Victim#3: I can pretend...
Cracka McNasty: i can't...




Cracka McNasty: so what do you look like?
victim#4: So what do you look like?
Cracka McNasty: haha. I asked you first!
victim#4: lol :) I'm 5'2 tanned aerobics instructor with short blonde hair and a cute butt.
Cracka McNasty: I'm a 5'7 pastey white momma's boy with a receding hair line and i weigh 250 pounds.
victim#4: you sound hot. want to cyber?
Cracka McNasty: ok




victim#5: let's get started... shall we? :)
Cracka McNasty: ok... go easy with me... i'm new to this whole cyber thing.
victim#5: don't worry, i'll take care of you :)
victim#5: I start kissing you slowly, as i guide your hand towards my supple breasts.
Cracka McNasty: with my free hand i turn on the TV
victim#5: What?
Cracka McNasty: don't worry baby, i'm gonna put on something hot to get us in the mood.
victim#5: lol ok :)
Cracka McNasty: I stand up and put the DVD in and rush back to the bed.
victim#5: I unbuckle your pants and caress your hard cock through your underwear
Cracka McNasty: I wear boxers...
victim#5: lol sorry, your boxer...
Cracka McNasty: the movie starts to come on, i get extra excited!
victim#5: mmmmmmm yeah, i can feel it baby.
Cracka McNasty: The familiar disney opening chimes in with the whole castle and shooting star and everything
victim#5: huh?
Cracka McNasty: it's homeward bound. god damn this movie is so fucking hot.
victim#5: ...
victim#5: What?
Cracka McNasty: that movie with the dogs and the cat that get lost and have to find their way home? fucking sweet movie. michael j. fox is the voice of chance.
victim#5: this isn't working...
Cracka McNasty: speak for yourself. that cat is the hottest fucking thing alive.
Cracka McNasty: she is a sassy cat indeed... mmmmhhmmm
victim#5: I'm leaving
victim#5: and for the record homeward bound sucks!
Cracka McNasty: guess i'll have to finish this one off by myself then...
Cracka McNasty: i take my pants off the rest of the way and start jacking it...
Victim#5 has just signed off.

I know... i'm a sick fuck...

The Second One (Spiders)

The following is my opinion on Spiders:

Fuck them. They're scary as shit. Creatures should have 6 legs maximum, and no more.

That is all.

The First One

So basically, I seen this thing about Blogs on the radio, so I says to myself, "Self, you should do that" so I did.

On this thing right here, you will probably find many random things, they could be rants, they could be short stories, they could be lists, pictures, you name it. I'm kind of new at this whole thing so go with me on this. I'm just going to write whatever the hell I want to, and you get to read it and enjoy.